On the Menu: A Better Sober Experience at Bars, Restaurants & Events
Enjoying an n a cocktail at Grocer’s Table
I stayed home for that first year. I consumed books, not alcoholic beverages. I attended meetings of the AA variety. I recoiled at the thought of a dinner out or a meet-up with friends at a bar or restaurant. I knew I was on unstable ground, yet I was slowly building a foundation of sobriety. It was hard, diligent work and I was unwilling to sacrifice that progress to chance the uncomfortable unknowns of any of these spaces in 2014. I knew all too well that in our society’s gathering spaces alcohol was and is the norm.
I could choose to avoid these spaces after hours, but what about the scenarios where alcohol was available and encouraged at work-related functions? Honestly, what a nightmare for anyone in recovery – especially new to recovery. I will never forget one December celebratory event over a decade ago where I had not had a drink in quite some time. I hadn’t told anyone I was trying for fear that I’d once again fail (in hindsight, not the best move, but part of the journey nonetheless).
A table of ten, a fancy festive venue, served first white, then red. Continuous offers for refills from uniformed wait staff at the ready were unbearable, especially as the conversation ebbed and all eyes were on me. What would she be having? I assured them every time I was good with just water. No alternative to wine was ever offered. After six refusals, a server finally took away the empty wine glass assumingly placed at the top right of my place setting. It made for a rather upsetting evening. I don’t know when exactly, but I picked up another glass of wine after that event.
During that evening, fellow diners and colleagues might have speculated that I was pregnant, I reasoned. I fretted over it. And to now look back and see how much of the norm alcohol consumption was, I’m indignant about this insane need to question or justify why anyone chooses not to drink for whatever reason. This is only one of hundreds of experiences like this in my sobriety journey.
On the whole, n a (non-alcoholic) is becoming more of a way. Sober Curious, Quit Like A Woman (Tempest), and The Luckiest (The Luckiest Club) are societal-focused books that have contributed to opening up the gray area of drinking for inquiry and exploration (see also the Wall Street Journal article). I view this as a major shift from my early recovery in 2014, where AA was the book available for most to reference. I spent 100% of my time consumed with my problem, my shame around Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD), when I could have also been looking at how society and environment relate to sobriety (as these books and women-in-recovery leaders suggest). This framework is how I’m teeing up content for my work in this space.
In 2021, it is encouraging to see more positive forces at work in society that support a life less dependent on alcohol. Some include a younger generation and their unacceptance of mainstream drinking and willingness to embrace wellbeing; and a bursting stream of makers harnessing technology, ingredients, and creativity to bring more n a beverages to the marketplace.**
Despite this movement, I’m reminded that the experience of someone who is not drinking or practicing longer-term sobriety in a bar, restaurant, or event has vast room for improvement. In my work life of capturing experiences for brands at events*, I’m acutely aware of the sober experience gap in venues. The gaps or thoughtlessness are everywhere from non-inclusion of n a options at events or on the menu and uninformed servers, to drink ticket offerings in packages and alcohol as a prize. Just this summer while on a cruise on the St. Croix with my 18 year-old daughter, my name was drawn for a prize. The boozy prize was alcohol, a liquor-branded t-shirt and hat. At seven years sober, we had a good laugh. But in all seriousness, we can do better.
Restauranteurs and those in the hospitality industry, as you look to ways to create better experiences, please think about your n a offerings and educating your servers. A starter tip: let’s not assume any non-drinking person is not fun or not willing to spend $12 on an amazing n a cocktail. If you need a guide, I have plenty of personal and event experience to help you navigate how sober folks would like to be served and seen. I think the message is simple and when rooted in story (and I’m willing to share mine), it offers perspective and creates awareness in the restaurant and hospitality culture.
N A cheers to more conversations in 2022 about creating these more supported experiences in venues and society in general. I’ll be highlighting stellar venues and experiences in an upcoming post. I’m positive that we can serve up and enjoy better experiences together!
*My corporate event example highlighted an experience at a mandatory work-related function, showcasing how business events undeniably have a role in the sober movement. In the near future I will be exploring the corporate event space in an upcoming post, where I look at the work of a pioneer on this front and her creation of SOBERforce, a sobriety-focused support group at Salesforce.
**Shout out to n a makers:
1. Bauhaus Brew Labs, for creating Nah in three varieties, and serving the Helles version on tap;
2. local favorite Hairless Dog, for n a with attitude; and
3. For Bitter For Worse, for complex cocktails made with love.
You all make it a liberating experience to walk into a liquor store (or order online, or at the bar (at Bauhaus!)) and choose these amazing beverages!
